September 3, 2008



Dear friends,



Some people tell me I’m naïve, some say I’m living in denial and others say I need to face up to reality. Frankly, I no longer care what people say or think. I will continue to have faith in my God. I will never doubt His goodness or His ability to heal me.



I used to be so focused on my sickness, on my healing, and on questions like “God, what do I need to do next?” or “God, when are you going to heal me?” He recently challenged me with the question “Peter, is it all about the healing or is it all about the healer?” I had to repent. God has done an amazing work in my life since. My prayer now is “God, I want more of you; God I want to know you; God I want to see your face”. I have a desperate burning passion and desire within me for more of God, which is causing the questions of “why, what and when?” to fade.



Yes, I am still sick, I am still not sleeping, I am still miserable… but my desire for more of Him has grown stronger than my desire for healing. Sounds impossible? Well, I would have thought so, too, just a few weeks or months ago. It is only by God’s grace, that I can say this.



Someone called me a few hours ago and said “Peter, I am so angry at God for not healing me, and for not healing you”. After hanging up I wept for this dear friend, who has suffered severely for many years, pleading God to heal her, without seeing any obvious results. It is OK to be angry. I even think it’s OK to be angry at God. He is strong; He can handle it. He knows our feelings anyway, and wants us to be real with Him. But it is important that we don’t stay angry; that our anger doesn’t turn into bitterness causing us to take up an offense against God.



God is always good. Not just 99% of the time, but ALL the time! How can I stay angry at that kind of God? The more I know Him, the less I doubt Him and His ways. It comes down to trust. Do I really trust my Heavenly Father? To the degree I trust Him, I can feel secure! But in order to really trust Him, I must know Him and His character. I must know His goodness, but I must also know His love, His forgiveness, His mercy, His grace, His power, etc. etc.



I am tired of doubt and double standards. As a Dane I have been taught to be skeptical, to be realistic and to question authority. A certain element of this can be healthy, but when it interferes with our ability to fully exercise faith in God, to believe in the impossible and to live in uncompromised obedience to God, then it is counter productive.



I believe God will heal me, and I believe He will do it soon. You can say I’m an optimist or in denial, but I will never stop believing that. I also know that not everyone gets healed, and should God for whatever reason choose not to heal me, then I will still love Him, trust Him and glorify Him till my last breath. I don’t understand why some people get healed, while others don’t, but I don’t need to know. Those things will become clear in due time. My responsibility and privilege for now is not to try and figure God out, but to love Him, trust Him and obey Him.



Make no mistake about it: This has been (and is) the toughest battle of our lives. At times I thought I was going to die and at times I actually wanted to die. I just felt it was too difficult and I was too miserable, and I said to God “either heal me now or take me home”. But each time, when I was at the lowest point, God, in His grace and faithfulness, spoke to me about His promises.


For example, just a few weeks ago He gave me 1 Peter 5:10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.



I don’t deny that this is a massive test in patience and endurance. Sometimes I feel as if I can’t go another day. But each morning when I wake up, I take comfort in the fact that I am now one day closer to my healing!



It is not my intension to preach at you. I just want to share my life, my story, my testimony. The day I was diagnosed with cancer, my pastor told me “Peter, you need to start preparing your testimony”, and this is part of that process. I can’t wait for the breakthrough and victory to be a reality. I know that what I am going through is so much bigger than just me fighting a disease. It has greater implications. There is much more at stake. We are contending for so much more than my own life. I believe that what we are contending for has to do with our future ministry, including the release of healing for countless others. I am so ready for this next phase of our lives and to declare my testimony to the world.



Thanks for praying and standing with us.

Your friend,

Peter




PS. God has challenged me to, in spite of my own need and weakness, to look at the needs of others. He’s also said that I need to “contend for the promise, by using the promise”. Therefore, if you have needs, if you are sick, please write me and I want to pray for you! You can also reach me on Skype, but please remember the time-zone difference.